Early Morning Blog(s)

Hi Sweetie,

I read your blog yesterday evening and have been thinking about it ever since. This weekend was so hard on you emotionally, and I think I have some insight on why this may be.

Growing up in the Garrity household, life pretty much always felt like an episode of "Leave it to Beaver". We were fortunate enough to grow up without any major crises and out parents seemed to be 100% dedicated to us - taking us to the train station or park, making snow cream, enrolling us in activities, etc. I think that we both felt that our childhood was exceptional and that we want to give the same experience to our children and the children we impact. You and I have always been overacheivers and when we personally feel like we have not reached our potential we are very critical of ourselves.

But if you take a step back and think about it (or if you have a conversation with Mom and Dad), I bet you will find that they often felt like they were failing us. Remember how Mom would often work late? Or when they couldn't attend one of our events? What about the time Dad got overly mad at Jeannie and then later in life at you? I remember that there was at least one occassion where Mom forgot to pick one of us up. I have two points with this: 1. That all parents do things that they would personally deem failures. 2. As long as you engage your child and are engaged in their life, everything else sort of fades away.

The best gift you can give is love, and wen you have to "fake" enthusiasm, something is lost. The moments I remember aren't so much the big trips and super fun planned activities, they were the little moments, like Mom making blueberry muffins or teaching us how to make crepes. It was Dad laying on the floor building Lincoln Logs with us or singing "Off We Go Into the Wild Blue Yonder..." The next time you feel grossly inadequate as a parent, just give Redden a big hug or call him up to find out about his day. Hold true to who you are so that Redden gets the most authentic Mommy he can have. That Mommy is a wonderful, amazing person who may not be perfect in her eyes but his perfect in his; just like our Mommy and all of the other good Mommies in the who wide world.

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It is now 6:40 a.m. and I am sitting at my counter missing you, missing Mom and Dad, missing Jeannie and family. Transitions are difficult, and this morning I am feeling that weigh on me. I have been here for nearly 4 months already. Amazing. I can't wait until this life feels normal, because it still doesn't. It will come - one of these days. For now, I am just going to try to set my sights on the next thing I am looking forward to. Stephen and my ski trip to Lutsen! On Monday, I went to the Unique Thrift Store. WoW. What an experience that place is. On holidays (like President's Day) they run a special - 50% off everything. I have been waiting for this to get some snow paints at a bargain price. What I thought would be a quick in and out visit very quickly turned in to a 45 minute quest. The aisles were literally spilling over with all sorts of people vying for knick knacks, clothes, furniture, and more. Quickly I found a marginal amount of personal space acceptable. You aren't touching me, good enough. Manners were put on hold, because everyone else had done the same. You are trying on an entire cart of clothing in front of one of three mirrors in the store - fine, I will invade your personal space and try to make you share the mirror while I try on this one piece. Though emotionally battered and beaten, I was able to emerge victorious - snow pants for $3.47 after tax.

I am watching the minutes tick by knowing that I really need to go put on my workout clothes and get on the elliptical. Yuck, I am going to have to start this day one way or another. I wish, I wish, I wish I didn't have a job and could dedicate today to errand running, cleaning, working out, cooking, and reading. Sigh, oh well, what can you do. I hope yours is a wonderful day and I can't wait to talk to you again!